Mad. Sad....and happy?

So today was THE day. I took Sam to yet another vet- one who does alot of specialised orthopedic work.
His conclusion- almost instantly- was that Sam has a blown Cruciate. I am upset, but not really. I kind of thought that is what it would be- but it still comes as a shock for whatever reason.
I am mad:
Mostly I am mad...really mad. So mad in fact that I took a strip off a friend who just so happens to work at the vet clinic that I had Sam looked at initially. I feel extra bad for giving her a hard time when really it is not her fault. She did however promise to have a chat with said vet tomorrow about it. My dog has been in pain for 6 months with a blown knee and I could have months ago had it fixed, instead he has been hobbling around with no improvment. I am really mad. At the original vet(s) who were ho hum when examining him and didn't think that it was a cruciate, and at myself for not doing something sooner! Not that I have done nothing- I have done physio- with two different therapists, had two vets look at him (both of which couldn't find what the problem was) and have done months of crate rest and restricted activity. But I can't get past the fact that it has been 6 MONTHS!!! wasted, with my dog in pain, not getting better!!!!)
Regardless I am mad in general.
I am Sad:
my dog is in pain. still. and will be for a long while. there will be surgery which will be painful, there will be recovery which will be long and painful,
then there is the whole money thing. $1500.00 (an estimation) is more money than I ever really have at one time, But I will do what I have to, to make him better because here is Sam sitting at my feet with a sock in his mouth begging me to play. I am sad (and stressed)
I am Happy:
At the same time I am relieved. Now I KNOW. Now we can help him. Now we can take the pain away.

So the tears are both happy and sad. And Mad...sounds almost like something dr.suess would write...

So, the plan of action. Come up with the $$$ it is going to cost to fix it. Surgery, recovery, therapy, and maybe just maybe my dog will be able to walk normally and live like a normal dog. Oh, and I may just have to move- not sure if I can take a year of carrying Sam up and down the stairs...three million times a day!


On a funny note:
Sarah did point out that although it seems like a lot of money he really hasn't cost me a lot of money yet, so he kind of deserves it.
Wicca

• has cost me about $2000 in total for her Parvo incident,
• I would say well over a $1000.oo in dog show entries,
• $600.00 for her as a baby, and about
• $200.00 in a stupid agility game called Snooker...

So really Sam still has some money left-

• he cost me $75.00....
• and $500.00 for the first go round of this knee thing,
• maybe $600 in entry fees,
• and he did manage to get his starters title, and get out of starters snooker at his first trial..

so yes, I suppose he is owed... :o)

(I am joking of course )