I have a dog named Kate. Did you know that?
She will be 11 years old this September.
I never really know how to talk about Kate. I've been planning this blog post for a while now, and have re-written it a few dozen times. With my recent "Real Life" post I thought now would be a good time.. Before I go any farther it would be hard to write about Kate, without giving some background.
I got Kate when she was about 12 weeks old- she was my replacement puppy for a pup I had to euthanise for a severe hip problem. (another long story I'll share some day...) Anyway, I wasn't ready to love another puppy yet, but didn't have the heart to leave her behind.
Her "breeder" didn't see the value in socialising, or raising the litter indoors, with the family. Her "breeder" didn't see the value in making sure that all the puppies were balanced and had sound temperaments. Kate was the pup that wouldn't come out from under the shed when I went to see the litter. The six year old daughter had to crawl under and drag her out. After that she sat in the corner by the garage grumbling at us. I chose her because she looked the least like the dog I just had euthanised. You'd think I'd know better even then. Apparently not. (I was 16 by the way)
Anyway, Kate was a struggle. From the day I brought her home until now that dog has challenged my patience, my training ability, and my love. Unless you've had a fearful dog you won't really understand. But let me tell you. It is not easy to live with a dog like Kate.
Kate had severe anxiety in social settings, and was fearful to the point of aggression with people and dogs. With the help of my friends I figured out a way to get through to her. A clicker, and treats helped her to learn through her worries. It was no miracle by any stretch- she still would melt down, and would go into a barking frenzy if something set her off (nothing like a 60lb dog force barking in someone's face!)
But we managed and we trained hard. We got through our CD with a High in Class, and decent scores. The stand for exam was the hardest thing for her- a stranger (quite often a man) had to touch her. But we did it. The second hardest thing was the stay. Me, across the room for three minutes, was a killer for her. The day she earned her CD was a great one, I was so proud of her. I attempted one round of Open and officially retired her.
We also played agility. She got the advanced level in AAC before I retired her. I was always on the lookout for things that would set her off. She once started barking at the judge from the top of the a-frame. That was scary. She would spook at the ring crew, and she and I were often not having fun- I would have to coach and cheer her around most courses, and I was always so nervous about her leaving the ring. It was not healthy for either of us. Her last trial was the Alberta Regionals- I forget which year even- but it was awful. I was in tears, and she was stressed beyond her norm. That was the last time we trialed.
Living with Kate has also not been fun. She's eaten through a wooden door, jumped through a second story window, broken all of her front teeth on the metal door of a crate, destroyed numerous crates, ripped her nail off jumping through a door, and is a complete stress case- at my house. At my parents house she is a completely different dog. Relaxed, content, and playful. A Kate that I didn't often get to experience.
But it wasn't all bad- there were moments where she was confident, and carefree. She would fly around an agility course, and look like she didn't have a care in the world. She had her select friends- people who she trusted and loved. But those people were few and far between. If you were a friend of Kates' you must be pretty special. She also had a few dog friends- but not many dogs could take her rough play style. All of her insecurities would be gone when playing fetch. She would fetch a tennis ball for hours. (her arthritis can attest to that!) And when she was calm she was a very easy dog to be with.
About three years ago she went to live with my parents full time. At first it was only a few nights a week- when I worked long hours at the boarding kennel. And then it was during the week, and then weekends...and now, well she has occasional sleep overs at my house.
I love this dog- alot. It is hard to put into words how you feel about a dog that you worked SO hard with. She was my constant shadow, always at my feet, always at my side. It is also hard to explain to people really who she is. When you are talking about a dog with issues- typically you focus on the issues- and not the dog. Kate deserves much more than that. She really is a great dog- under the fear. She is goofy, and has a weird sense of humour. She is very smart, and is the most loyal dog- ever. She would stand by my side always. If I let her. She is beautiful- even in her old age. And she has heart. A lot of it. The day that I got that first CD leg with her I cried. You could see the stress on her face, and still she did it. You could see she wanted to run away, but she stayed. It is amazing to think that a dog can love a person so much to withstand fear for them.
Letting her live with my parents was a very, very difficult decision. Thankfully they only live a few blocks away and I visit at least a few times a week. It doesn't make it any easier though. I often wonder if maybe now, in her older age she would settle down into my life again. I try once in a while- bring her home for sleepovers. Her unhappiness is apparent.
At my parents house she is happy, playing, fetching, wrestling with Drew, laying at my dads feet. At my house she is pacing, whining, panting, looking for a way out. I can't leave her unattended for a moment. She is miserable.
In life, and especially in dogs there are lots of "What Ifs." What if I had known back then what I know now. Would she be different? Would I have even chose her? Where would she be if I didn't? I would have done so many things differently. Maybe it would have changed things, maybe not. In any case, ours might not be an ideal situation- but it works.
Kate gets to be happy, and I get to see her be happy.
Mostly, it is a win/win kind of thing. Except for the whole missing my dog thing.
