Fall Blues

I love fall. The crispness in the air is worth getting up in the morning for. Love it.

But for the past few years every time September rolls around I am met with a few days of sadness. And then I am over it. Moved on and into the cool, briskness that is fall.

The beginning of September has become a reminder of two great dogs that are no longer with me. And even though it has been a few years I still grieve for them. Not all the time of course, but somehow I have associated this time of year with them. One life was over this time of year, and the other a birthday. Two very different things but connected by loss and heartache.

Sam was a Cardigan, my second one. He was a rescue. Crazy, and happy, and loud. The BEST dog. Until he was gone. It was completely devastating to have to make that decision for him. I think that is why it has stuck with me for so long. I have lots of regret when it comes to Sam. If only I had been better educuated. Had more tools, more resources. More help. In my heart I know I did the best I could for him. And of course being a dog he was more than happy with his life. I only had him a few years. But he was such a special dog that he made a lasting impression on me.

Kate would have been 15 years old on the 2nd. Which is an impossible age for a shepherd. But nonetheless. Her death was not tragic, just old age finally catching up to her. But it hurt regardless. She was such a huge part of my life- forever it seemed. She was the dog that kept me in this crazy dog life. A dog who taught me many lessons, and was never easy. She gave me her heart- as only a shepherd can. They are frantic with their devotion- it is completely different than any of my other dogs. I miss her. A blog post about her last birthday.

Maybe writing about these things will help me to be less sad next year. To end the cycle. I know that writing about them has already made the pressure of the sadness release a bit. I have so much to look forward to these days. It's a shame to waste even a day feeling sad- especially about something that cannot be changed or undone.

So here's to feeling better tomorrow.