Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Fall Blues

I love fall. The crispness in the air is worth getting up in the morning for. Love it.

But for the past few years every time September rolls around I am met with a few days of sadness. And then I am over it. Moved on and into the cool, briskness that is fall.

The beginning of September has become a reminder of two great dogs that are no longer with me. And even though it has been a few years I still grieve for them. Not all the time of course, but somehow I have associated this time of year with them. One life was over this time of year, and the other a birthday. Two very different things but connected by loss and heartache.

Sam was a Cardigan, my second one. He was a rescue. Crazy, and happy, and loud. The BEST dog. Until he was gone. It was completely devastating to have to make that decision for him. I think that is why it has stuck with me for so long. I have lots of regret when it comes to Sam. If only I had been better educuated. Had more tools, more resources. More help. In my heart I know I did the best I could for him. And of course being a dog he was more than happy with his life. I only had him a few years. But he was such a special dog that he made a lasting impression on me.

Kate would have been 15 years old on the 2nd. Which is an impossible age for a shepherd. But nonetheless. Her death was not tragic, just old age finally catching up to her. But it hurt regardless. She was such a huge part of my life- forever it seemed. She was the dog that kept me in this crazy dog life. A dog who taught me many lessons, and was never easy. She gave me her heart- as only a shepherd can. They are frantic with their devotion- it is completely different than any of my other dogs. I miss her. A blog post about her last birthday.

Maybe writing about these things will help me to be less sad next year. To end the cycle. I know that writing about them has already made the pressure of the sadness release a bit. I have so much to look forward to these days. It's a shame to waste even a day feeling sad- especially about something that cannot be changed or undone.

So here's to feeling better tomorrow. 


onecollie said...

memories are the best, never deny yourself the memories or the sadness that goes with them, it helps to keep the ones we have lost alive within us :)

onecollie said...
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^..^Corgidogmama said...

Memories are what keep them alive for us, but the edges are tinged in pain. It's like an ache that doesn't stop once we open that door...