Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Lots of Stressful Things

Today was a very stressful day. I am unsettled and haven't stopped moving all day. Jittery almost. I think it will help me to write it down. Wether I hit publish or not I am not sure. But regardless to get rid of the stress I need to put it somewhere else. Outside of my head. Much like in dog training- a release of pressure is needed to move forward sometimes.

My friends dog had a part of her toe removed because she had a cancerous lump on it. Thankfully that went off without a hitch and hopefully all comes back good. Lacey is so young still! Cancer sucks- but hopefully this was caught in time and she will be good to go back to her cute little sassy self. It seems that there have been so many dogs that I have loved that have died, or are sick. I am really done with that.

I had booked an appointment for my old family dog to be euthanised. And then when I saw him I couldn't do it. It was not time. He is still happy, and only a little wobbly now and then. His quality of life is still pretty high. He likes to eat, he goes for walks and is just the same old Drew. However I did take him in to the clinic to talk about some pain management. At 11 years old he has some pretty severe arthritis going on. He just needs some help to keep his mobility. I was very relieved that he actually checked out pretty good. Now to wait and see if the tramadol helps, or if he will have to go on Metacam as well. I think he's got a good while left in him- he is the bestest dog in the whole world. So I am very glad that I went with my gut.

My Mother. Oh, my mother. She will be the death of us all I think. She struggles with some mental health problems, but on top of that has some severe health problems. Real problems that need to be addressed. But she won't help herself. I'm sure to be her doctor would be the most frustrating thing of all. She will not change or try. So my guess is that the doctor has stopped trying as well. Because I am not sure how even though my mother goes to the doctor every single week that she never ever gets better, or feels better, or is any different. She has given up living and is content to sit and watch herself die. Today she nearly did die. And you know what is the most awful thing? That just for a second I thought that maybe it would be good if she did. It has been hell. Pure Hell. Watching her die slowly. Becoming this person that none of us really know anymore. A shadow of her former self.  In any case, she is now in the hospital- and hopefully will get some things sorted out before they let her go home. My poor dad. He is sick with worry. :(

And on top of that it really hit me today. That things have changed. Like never to be the way they were. It is devastating really. Even though I've known for months. I think it is harder today because it was a tough day, so that when I thought about this other huge life changing problem it really just knocked me on my ass. Ugh, I hate being sad. And emotional. Tomorrow will be better. Such is life I suppose. One day I'll explain more about about this. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

Oh, and today I really, really miss my Grama.

Thankfully I have my most awesome dogs to come home to. Wicca is even snuggled with me as I type this. Which is completely out of character. But I'll take it.

Tomorrow will be better. Things have a way of looking better the next day. And although I am a pessimist by nature, I do try and roll with punches and make the best out of what I've got. And what I've got is some great dogs. Some awesome family. And a few really good friends.

15 comments:

Michelle Larson said...

thinking about you tonight, it is hard when those times come and everything feels so wrong, I hope the light at the end of the tunnel will light up soon for you and things can start to feel better. enjoy your Wicca snuggles, Ava is not a snuggly girl but she seems to know when it is needed and I never turn them down. good for you for remaining pessimistic, I struggle with that as well.

Diana said...

Wow , what a lot to deal with. I hope things start to get better soon.

Susan said...

My heart is with you for a better day today. Corgi snuggles are a rare gift indeed.

Dawn said...

It will pass, you will have pain, you will have acceptance, you will have joy too. But now I wish you peace, in your heart and in your mind. And a place to vent if you need one. We are here for you.

Jenny Glen said...

I'm so sorry about all of it, Amanda. Especially your mother - we've discussed the similarities with her and my sister and I empathize with you so much. The dogs will save you.

Karen said...

I am generally a lurker...but I'm sorry to hear all that you are going through. Hopefully today is a better day for you, and take all the snuggles you can get with your wonderful dogs!

Paws on the Run said...

I'm so sorry. I've been so wrapped up in myself lately and I'm sorry for dumping even more responsibility on you. :( I'm thrilled to hear about Drew. I hope your mom is ok. It must be so hard to try to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. You know in here for you if you need anything.

Tammy Taylor said...

At times like this I actually write it all down as well (usually lists for me). But then you need to take a black marker and blank out anything you can not do anything about.

My grandmother is famous for not allowing people to forget the positive/good things happening right then as well. She will nag until you do!

Koping Weims said...

Hey Amanda I am so sorry to hear about your mom, that is a tough thing to deal with. If you are interested I can give you some stuff for Drew I am using on Stryker ...wow has it made a difference with him , you can see if it works ?
Need anything..anything at all just say the word...seriously you have always been a great friend and helped me out when I need it...happy to return the favor..take care..hope tomorrow is better ..
Julia

^..^Corgidogmama said...

Dang. That's a lot to bear. Dog hugs, good pals and one fantastic dad will sure help you through all this. Life is such a roller coaster, and extrremely bumpy at times. And then, it's not. Thankfully. Hang in. We're all thinking of you and yours.

onecollie said...

oh my friend :( So sorry about everything....so happy you didn't have to say goodbye to Drew , lots of shit happening lately man....I'm here for you, but you know that , even a big fat hug if you want :)

DeltaBluez Tess said...

Dixson sends his puppy kisses and love to you. Hope you feel better soon.

Steve said...

So sorry things are piling up. I might be able to help in the old dog arthritis area. Our Milo is 14.5 and was a flyball dog in his day - with no regard for his body.

He is now pretty wobbly but with a few meds he'll still charge around and play. He gets an Adequan injection 2x per month, Prevacox daily (a COX2 inhibitor) and he'll get a tramadol on days when he is very active. The Adequan works wonders for him (does take a number of loading doses to get started - if you can do the sub Q injections yourself it can cut the costs)

cbar said...

Amanda you always write so beautifully whether it is good news or bad news. I am really sorry that this week has been particularly bad. My prays are with you and hope that things straighten up for the better soon.

WigglyZack said...

Im sorry to hear things are so rough for you right now.