Lots of Stressful Things

Today was a very stressful day. I am unsettled and haven't stopped moving all day. Jittery almost. I think it will help me to write it down. Wether I hit publish or not I am not sure. But regardless to get rid of the stress I need to put it somewhere else. Outside of my head. Much like in dog training- a release of pressure is needed to move forward sometimes.

My friends dog had a part of her toe removed because she had a cancerous lump on it. Thankfully that went off without a hitch and hopefully all comes back good. Lacey is so young still! Cancer sucks- but hopefully this was caught in time and she will be good to go back to her cute little sassy self. It seems that there have been so many dogs that I have loved that have died, or are sick. I am really done with that.

I had booked an appointment for my old family dog to be euthanised. And then when I saw him I couldn't do it. It was not time. He is still happy, and only a little wobbly now and then. His quality of life is still pretty high. He likes to eat, he goes for walks and is just the same old Drew. However I did take him in to the clinic to talk about some pain management. At 11 years old he has some pretty severe arthritis going on. He just needs some help to keep his mobility. I was very relieved that he actually checked out pretty good. Now to wait and see if the tramadol helps, or if he will have to go on Metacam as well. I think he's got a good while left in him- he is the bestest dog in the whole world. So I am very glad that I went with my gut.

My Mother. Oh, my mother. She will be the death of us all I think. She struggles with some mental health problems, but on top of that has some severe health problems. Real problems that need to be addressed. But she won't help herself. I'm sure to be her doctor would be the most frustrating thing of all. She will not change or try. So my guess is that the doctor has stopped trying as well. Because I am not sure how even though my mother goes to the doctor every single week that she never ever gets better, or feels better, or is any different. She has given up living and is content to sit and watch herself die. Today she nearly did die. And you know what is the most awful thing? That just for a second I thought that maybe it would be good if she did. It has been hell. Pure Hell. Watching her die slowly. Becoming this person that none of us really know anymore. A shadow of her former self.  In any case, she is now in the hospital- and hopefully will get some things sorted out before they let her go home. My poor dad. He is sick with worry. :(

And on top of that it really hit me today. That things have changed. Like never to be the way they were. It is devastating really. Even though I've known for months. I think it is harder today because it was a tough day, so that when I thought about this other huge life changing problem it really just knocked me on my ass. Ugh, I hate being sad. And emotional. Tomorrow will be better. Such is life I suppose. One day I'll explain more about about this. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet.

Oh, and today I really, really miss my Grama.

Thankfully I have my most awesome dogs to come home to. Wicca is even snuggled with me as I type this. Which is completely out of character. But I'll take it.

Tomorrow will be better. Things have a way of looking better the next day. And although I am a pessimist by nature, I do try and roll with punches and make the best out of what I've got. And what I've got is some great dogs. Some awesome family. And a few really good friends.